Give Me Liberty, and Give Me Death... and Taxes

I don't fear tax season for the same reasons as CPA's, their wives and children, the self-employed, or the shady tax-evader. I fear it for one reason, and one reason only.

THE LIBERTY TAX GIRL.

Below is a picture of my neighborhood Liberty Tax service station (right next to "Nail Slicks", or "Nail Sucks", if you're driving quickly past and can't read the late-70's font) just off the corner of a major intersection. I go through this intersection a lot, either to/from the freeway exit near my house, or to get to Target, OSH, etc... it's not a bad intersection, the lights turn regularly... but I really, really hate it during tax season.

BECAUSE-- Have any of you seen what Liberty Tax does to advertise? Dresses up a girl in a thin nylon Lady Liberty drape/outfit, complete with Miss-America-style sash and an NYC touristy foam headdress. That ain't so bad. Add the pointy-sign that the professional sign-spinner turns and tosses to get attention from passers-by, and it's still pretty tame. Makes me want to cut myself thinking about having to do that as a full-time job, but hey, it's honest work.


However.


The girl they had last year... ohhhh my. She wore headphones and danced-- DANCED-- the curb, CONSTANTLY. Swinging around poles Fred-Astaire-style, skipping and bopping to the beat of music heard only by her, and smiling and waving at EVERY SINGLE CAR-- no, every single PERSON that drove by.

Now, I'm by no means a discriminator of sunny personalities... or talented 'dancing', yes, and probably burning a gazillion calories every day, but THIS .... well, it made me uncomfortable. Like when formal choirs sway and clap to non-sway-and-clapping songs, mimes try to get out of invisible boxes, or animals are dressed like people. Shudder. You'd know what I mean if you saw her. And every time-- EVERY TIME-- I'd drive by, she'd smile and wave at me... and when I couldn't avoid her eye, I'd feel bad and give a tight-lipped grin back. But inside, I was barfing.

So this year, though, she's gone (probably moved up to the big time, dancing for cruise ship productions)-- and in her place, the first day, there were SEVEN Liberty Tax girls (and guys), a mini outdoor hot dog barbeque, two turntables and a microphone. Awesome.

Have to admit, though, felt just slightly let-down. Kinda missed her.

Especially because this year's regular corner girl hasn't been quite up to par, DEFINITELY not at the gold standard set by Miss Liberty Tax 2008. I was not long disappointed, though...

as, one day, coming home from Target, I saw THIS--

...Whaaahhh??


Tax man? I think? Half-heartedly waving the sign, more like tilting it up and down slightly, no dancing or bee-bopping and definitely NO swinging around poles. I had to get a better look, so I went around the corner, stopped my car, and retrieved my camera from the trunk. And then went around the block for another go-round.

a closer look....

and... he turns around.

Oh, seriously, the POOR GUY. He HATES his job!!! Cruel and unusual punishment, and I'll bet he's an honest tax-payer. He does NOT deserve this. This is NOT liberty.

Needless to say, I never saw him again. I hope he's in a happier place, free of turquoise nylon and humiliation. And I, meanwhile, have learned that the best time to drive past Liberty Tax is after they're closed. :)