honest to goodness

So, apparently (according to today's Staff Bulletin), today, April 30th, is

 

NATIONAL HONESTY DAY. 

I don't know if this is where the honor comes from, but the bulletin continued that George Washington was inaugurated as first US President on this day in 1789. I was pretty excited to hear it, because I'm a big fan of honesty. Then I got another message saying that today is also "Poem in your Pocket" day, though, so--honestly--I would like to know just who it is who decides these things.

But if this really and truly is Honesty Day, I'm excited-- because then people will stop stealing from Williams-Sonoma, America will admit that Kwanzaa is NOT real holiday and definitely not on par with Christmas and Hanukkah, and all the guys who have unceremoniously dumped me over the years with finally confess what idiots they were at the time. Oh, and Robert Pattinson, Simon Baker, and Daniel Craig et al will announce that I am their Ideal Lady.

BUT-- since I can't expect honesty from anyone else but myself, I thought today might be a good day to come clean about a few items of my own, instead.

Honesty Day Confession List 2009

1. Most of the time, I think newborn babies are kinda ugly. Sometimes they give me the creeps.

2. I once broke the law and climbed down to the Hollywood sign. When the chopper came, I held still and pretended like I wasn't there, so I wouldn't get caught.

3. I cheated on my diet last night and ate a chocolate chip cookie. I was hungry, that's the truth.

4. In Kindergarten, I was a bit of a hussy. One time, another little girl tattled and told the teacher that I'd shown a boy my panties during recess. I lied and said I didn't. I really did, though; they were cute with little pink hearts and I figured he deserved to see them.

5. I think KFC Popcorn Chicken is pretty dang delicious. Then I feel sick after eating it. Worth it.

6. I ditched school on Monday, using a sick day as a "mental health" day. As a result, I got sick today, and it might be the Swine Flu. Wait-- that's a lie. I already checked the symptoms, I don't have it.

7. My greatest fears used to be Unsecured Heights and Apathy, but they've been kicked to the curb by Spinsterhood and Childlessness.

8. I've never given anyone The Finger, but I have in the past few years taken up some minor swearing. Nothing R-rated, and not even as bad as PG-13 can be, but I'll be honest-- a good hearty damn every now and then can sure make you feel better or simply help you giggle a little bit. Rat Bastard is a favorite, too.

9. I don't really have any shame. If someone says "lick up that milk like a kitten", I'll do it.

10.  I also don't see anything wrong with eating off the street. Delicious pumpkin cheesecake should not be wasted, in my book! (Maybe such actions are why I get sick so much??)

11.  I wouldn't kick Zac Efron out of bed. But I'd still be chaste, of course. Feel a bit perverted, maybe, even though he's over 18, but still chaste. 

12. I am the coolest person in the entire world.

Ahhh, feels so good to get all of that out in the open. Knew it was the best policy.