bring on the water weight(s)

I like to mix up my workout routine (well... "routine") every now and then, y'know, give my muscles a little surprise, so last night I pushed my limits in the high-paced and potentially dangerous sport of ...

AQUAROBICS.

(dramatization, not an actual photo)

SOME people might think Aquarobics isn't hard-core, but they are clearly wrong. I speak from experience, I've been twice now. And I can testify that, in addition to some good cardio and resistance training, it is pretty much a win-win- ( lose) -win form of exercise, all around!

WIN: 

Everyone knows that a swimming pool is the third-best place to feel skinny. The top place is, of course, among the masses at Disneyland, with the second being within 42 feet of a fried-Twinkie stand at any Middle America county fair. But in water, when you are magically defying heavy gravity and the liquid pressure serves to hold in your gut-fat, you feel super-thin, and compared to the standard population that participates in pool aerobics, you look tiny. And a one-piece doesn't create muffin tops, AND you can look super-strong as you maneuver those huge hand weights underwater as if they were made of styrofoam.

WIN:

Sometimes, in other gym-provided classes, I might feel under-par, either because I want to throw up after only 5 minutes of "boot camp" or because the 85-year-old woman next to me can stand on her head in yoga while taking a brief nap.  But compared to the lady in the pink shower cap last night at Aquarobics, I EXCELLED. And my sprints-in-a-circle (knees high) were definitely the fastest in the whole pool, I think it's okay to brag here. And no, I don't think it's just because everyone else gets special discounts at movies and the Sizz', it really is my athletic prowess at this sport... BUT I will admit that it's not bad being the youngest in the group; for example, when a sideliner stopped the instructor to yell encouragingly "I'M A DOCTOR FOR OLD PEOPLE-- AND THIS IS THE BEST EXERCISE FOR OLD PEOPLE! GOOD JOB!", I could smugly not include myself in that group, and pat myself on the back for getting a head-start on my future.

(lose)...
As previously stated, I look HORRIBLE when wet.  Even a marriage proposal in a jacuzzi does not prove/cannot convince me otherwise.

but, BUT, the biggest WIN! is that

old people + water = a good time

We know this because two of the three movies made about old people in the last 25 years-- "Cocoon" and "Cocoon: The Return"-- were based on just that. The directors would have you believe that it was the combined presence of Steve Guttenberg and alien pods in the water that revived the Quaker Oat dude's diving skills and virility (the power of the pods being secondary to Steve's loveable wackiness, of course) as well as giving his nursing-home buddy a reason to live (and dance) after losing everything on Wall Street to Eddie Murphy, but in truth those old guys would have been having fun a-plenty in the water on their own, and this even in the days before pool noodles were invented.

Unfortunately, the other movie out there about old people, "Titanic", is obviously not a good example of elderly aquatic frolicking. I'm pretty sure Old Rose never jumped back in the ocean to splash around for kicks, not even if there was an eternal-life-giving glowing-cocoon-pod ready to birth a translucent alien floating around, since she probably felt forever guilty for telling Jack that she'd "never let go" but hadn't bothered to offer him room on her life-saving floaty-door. Nope, and her final experience with water was to stupidly toss a priceless gem that could have made me a Lady of Leisure FOR LIFE into the darkest fathoms, never to resurface. I would not invite her to my pool parties, she'd probably ruin Marco Polo too.

The other old people of note, having exhausted the cinematic lineup, are of course TV's beloved Golden Girls. Sadly, we never got to see them whoopin' it up in the water (though we know they were because they lived in Florida) but that's because 25 minutes is only just long enough to review all of  Blanche's exploits and Dorothy's sarcastic retorts and add a few seconds of laugh track to each, and back in those days only the Full House girls got to visit the Disneyworld beaches in hour-long episodes. But The Girls' witty repartee is all pretty much the equivalent of a beach scene with skirted floral one-pieces anyway, anything actual would just be gratuitous. Thank You for Being a (Clothed) Friend.

So last night was not just about pursuing a rock-hard bod, it was about hanging with some pretty fun elderlies. They sure know how to have a good time, splashing around there. And were unperturbed when the instructor admonished them to have a salad, that the cheesecake would go straight to their thighs, after one woman yelled out, "I'm gonna go home and eat LASAGNE... and MIXED GREENS... and WHITE BREAD... and CHEESECAKE with STRAWBERRY FILLING... and WHIPPED CREAM..." as she floated lazily in a circle during cool-down. Dude, you can't tell old people what to do. They know, and they don't care. They've got it going on.

Oh, and also great were the masses of on-lookers in the sauna. Just standing there at the window. Looking. Staring. Pervs. Something like this, minus the toucans, and encompassing a distinctly different ethnic majority.

(I sure wish I could take my waterproof camera in with me to REALLY show the whole experience)

Can't wait til next week.