Champion!! Eat your heart out, Todd.

I am a girl of many talents. 

I like to say "girl", not woman, because it makes me sound younger. Kinda like I hate being called a lady, as in "that lady over there sure is buying a lot of ugly clothes at Target from her decade of origin", gross,  when it should be "man, that hottie is so young, it must be weird for her to be trying on retro 70's clothes".

(Though if it's the mid-60's and you're a dapper young man calling me a lady and standing up from the table when I enter and exit the room etc., that's cool.)

But still, many talents. And the most recently realized has also been major-ly recognized. For...

...last night, I was crowned (-slash-Trophied) 

2010* DISCO ROLLER SKATE LIMBO

 CHAMPION  !!

(*of Jan. 16th, more specifically of Leslie's 40th Disco Skate Party, but no matter, still reigning champ)

Where: The Moonlight Rollerway, Glendale, California

What: Leslie Ragland's 40th Birthday Party, in which she pulled out ALL the stops-- first the Rollerway (rented out just to us!), then a raging-fun disco-themed party with karaoke at an awesome house in the Valley.  Best party I've been to in a LONG time, probably because Leslie's a recent convert and hasn't learned yet that we are generally and notoriously cheap with our parties. And, she's awesome.

Costumes weren't REQUIRED, but definitely encouraged, and there were some GREAT ones there, including gold lame (insert accent mark over the 'e') jumpsuits and terrycloth short-shorts with sweatbands and knee socks (for the men), and some pretty sweet 'staches.

KJ's disco threads were convincingly authentic, and I'm pretty sure the size of those sleeves had something to do with the oil crisis of 1973. It takes a lot of petroleum to create that much synthetic fiber.

Todd P. wore a sweet Disco Skate belt buckle (as seen above), and didn't need much else in the way of a costume, his roller-moves created enough of THAT picture. Any of you who know him know what I'm talking about. For those of you who don't... well, he takes his shirt off a lot, and this time he did it while doing graceful roller-arabesques. Pretty impressive.

As for me, my mom couldn't remember where her incredible zebra-print tie-waist bell-bottomed jumpsuit was stashed (SO sad), so I was forced to raid Target for viable 70's costume options. Horrifyingly, there were many to choose from (as well as a gross resurgence of 80's-style neon-color-paint-splash-illusion fabrics), so I came up with this somewhat-lame early-70's frock over flared-leg jeans. Yes, I know it's decade-borderline, but we were celebrating 1970 in specific, so it can look kinda late-60's. And also explains why I couldn't remember to point my hand in a disco move like KJ's pose, and instead am asserting my independence as a New 70's Woman of Equality.

But really it didn't matter what I was wearing (though the stretchy jeans helped my flexibility), because it was my incredible skills that skated me into becoming

THE LIMBO CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!

I'd like to say it was easy. It wasn't. I had a lot of things working against me, from the surplus of competing bendy little ladies in the limbo lineup, to the intangible lack of support from the sidelines, both friend and stranger (which I'll get to in a sec), to the fact that my organs/muscles got caught in my ribcage when I'd bend so drastically at the waist to scrunch my body down to a one-foot height. (Seriously. That last time, when I stood-rolled back up, I felt something flip back into place.)

And yet... I WON! I was surprised when no one beat me, but not as surprised as the rest of the crowd. As I took my victory lap around the rink, precious trophy raised in triumph, I think they were still waiting for the ACTUAL winner to be announced.

KJ: "Congrats!!! ...I'll be honest... my money wasn't on you."

Friend of Leslie's: "Hey, you're the Limbo Champ! ...Yeah... didn't see that one coming."

Roller Derby Employee Limbo Specialist: (no words, just a look of disbelief as he double-checked the height bar for malfunction)

No one was as upset as Todd, though. He was so jealous that he made a very inappropriate jealousy-gesture, much too jealous to be published on this blog.

You be the judge, though-- here's a re-enactment of my winning roller-crouch (trophy added, since the eyes-squeezed-shut-in-hope as I zoomed under the bar can't be seen in this photo). No, in Roller Limbo, you don't lean backwards (too many potential concussions, also impossible).

I kinda feel like I got even lower, maybe the velocity/speed really did streamline my body into the height of a large cat during the winning pass. But no matter, still pretty BREATHTAKING. It was, as KJ later conceded, "...like watching Michael Phelps win all that gold".

Seriously. 2010 is off to a great start. 

Oh and by the way, this is the real reason why I won:

Indian squatters. Best training in the world!

(You'll never get my trophy, Todd Petersen!)